Thursday, April 5, 2012

Life's a parody

I've nothing to tell, nothing to share. It's just that I'm too irritated with.. I don't know maybe everything. I'm irritated with why is everything the way it is. I'm irritated with why my Econ professor sucks so much. I'm irritated with why smoking causes cancer. I'm irritated with why do they have such fucked up food here in west. I'm irritated with the fact that why do movies have happy endings. i'm irritated with this cold weather. And I'm writing this just because I want to rant the shit out of mind.
It's 4:59 in the morning. My restlessness levels almost peaked 10 mins back, and literally fucked my conscious, I pulled out a cigarette from an old forgotten pack and smoked it. Well, guess what it didn't help me a bit. It just surfaced my emotions more. It's one huge unfair world, and things will never be the way you want them to be, get used to it. I feel like a retard writing this. In these past days I've been having serious thoughts about ... what the fuck am I upto? What the fuck is everybody upto anyway? As much as you want to get something, the more impossible it gets for you to get it.
It's fucking hilarious how one particular event, person etc etc can be sole reason of your happiness sorrow and shit. i swear, by now I've lost track of what I want to write in this so called blog(that I'm sure no one except me will read). All this propaganda of hoping, and striving for want you want seems royally fucked to my sane mind now(Not sure about my sane mind). 
Seriously you spend an entire lifetime, doing things, working hard, trying to make stuff perfect and it bloody just gets down to one thing- Settle for what it is. Seriously, if it's not going to be the way I want ever why the fuck am I even bothering? I don't get it. I don't get people. Ya even i'm fickle, even I've seen myself changing over a long period of time. But seriously, how can we not decipher life even a fucking bit? I don't get it. I don't want to settle for things. Seriously, I can't accept things always and just move on. Why should I do that? Why can't I go out there and do what i want. Why can't things be exactly the way I want them to be. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I don't know. 
But why 9/10 moments in our lives are sad and shit, you know what I mean. Why is that we have to find happiness in only little things? Why can't it be the other way round. I'm growing to have serious issues with this 'be satisfied with what you have' concept. It kind of makes me feel like an epic loser. I can't. I won't. 
I'm amazed how god damn unstable this 'mind' is. How a perfectly fine day can destroyed by just 2 words from somebody? How the fuck can I let others control how I feel. I cannot. I cannot let anybody else decide how I will fell. I try, I try really hard to ignore the world. Do my shit. it just doesn't seem to happen.
I'm tired of reality conflicting with my dreams. You spend days, months thinking about it, trying to make it happen, and then it fucking does not. Hello? This is not acceptable. I can't live through accepting reality and altering my dreams, golas according to it. 
I don't know why do I use the 'f' word so much(I like how CB mentioned 'f word' in some of his book). Anyway I just realized ranting helps a lot. Fuckkk... Im completely out of words. What do I write now, because I want to write. It's giving me a sense of satisfaction. It's keeping me engaged. I hate how our minds can be stuck at somethings. It sucks why can't my mind have a bloody block option. Why can't I control it exactly the way I want. I want complete control. Control of myself, this world, its people.(Gashhh I'm getting so cynical. How does it matter anyway). You know what nobody gives a fuck. Nobody does. At the end it's just your life, that's it. You can do whatever you want. You can do exactly what you want to do. If people have a problem, if people tell you to not dream, if they tell you it's not going to be true. Ask them go fuck themselves in the back. I don't give a shit. I will not just accept any god damn shit you throw my way. I don't know how, I don't know in how much time.. I will go and get exactly what I want. Just because some freaking pot head someday said, 'it's not always going to be the way you want it to be', I won't sit back and let life run my life. I want to make sure everything fucking falls exactly into place. Be it work, love, friendship or anything else. I can't let fate run it for me. Having sobered a bit, I'll say you really need to know when to leave too. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but sometimes it's just not worth it to bother your head about. Guess, seems the only way to go about in this royally messed up world.
P.S. There might be tons of typos, but I'm too freaked out to even give a shit.